Choosing not to have kids

Great article over on Thought Catalog by Abby Rosmarin titled “To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids”. This is an issue close to my own heart.

If you ask most people if they want to have kids (whether or not you tack “someday” onto the end of the question), they’ll probably say yes, or maybe they’ll say “possibly”. But they don’t usually say “no”, not emphatically or confidently anyway.

I have asked myself this question time and time again since I’ve been of the age to biologically produce kids (that is to say, roughly 14). At the age of 23, I felt that I wanted kids one day, but was in college and working part time, and then life threw me an interesting curve ball to give me some perspective – I had a pregnancy scare with my girlfriend at the time. Had that not been a scare, had it been the real deal, well my life would be quite different now. And it has only been in the last couple of years where I’ve really started to lean towards a fairly confident “no”. Or at least, I really don’t think I’m going to be disappointed or regretful if I never do have kids of my own.

I want to quote this entire article but I’ll just give you one bit and you can read the rest yourself:

But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.

There’s some very good insight and food for thought in the article. Bottom line, make sure you have kids for the right reasons. Because it’s not like buying a coat you end up not liking, you’re stuck with it and you can’t shirk your responsibilities.

My sister has kids. They’re cool and all, but I don’t even have enough energy to play with them for more than 30 minutes at a time. She has basically given up her life for them. I respect the heck out of her for making that decision and following through, but that is not what I want for myself. Cool Uncle Adam I shall be.

2 thoughts on “Choosing not to have kids

  1. Melinda

    It’s always nice to see that I’m not alone in this (not wanting kids). I am 98% sure that I don’t want children ever, but 100% sure that I do not want any biological children. Pregnancy and childbirth are not things I want to go through. Kudos to those who do want to give birth, though.

    This is somewhat related, but with respect to dating, the fact that I don’t want children narrows the dating pool quite a bit – it seems that a lot of people I have things in common with DO want children. That’s partly why I’m only 98% sure about not wanting kids – I’m willing to change my mind if I meet someone amazing who absolutely wants children.

    1. AdamEmanon

      Yes, do what is right for you. I feel essentially the same – If I meet someone amazing who is dead set on kids, I’m willing to consider it. I think I would also prefer to adopt than have biological kids, at this point.


Care to share your thoughts?