Tag Archives: respect

Watch Full Movie Online And Download Free John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)

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Title : John Wick: Chapter 2
Release : February 8, 2017
Language : English, Italiano.
Runtime : 122 min.
Genre : Thriller, Action, Crime.
Stars : Keanu Reeves, Common, Laurence Fishburne, Riccardo Scamarcio, Ruby Rose, John Leguizamo, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick, Bridget Moynahan, Thomas Sadoski, David Patrick Kelly, Peter Stormare, Franco Nero, Peter Serafinowicz, Claudia Gerini, Perry Yung, Tobias Segal, Nico Toffoli, Toshiko Onizawa, Marko Caka, Oleg Prudius, Alex Ziwak, Aaron Cohen, Guyviaud Joseph, Kenny Sheard, Tim Connolly, Aly Mang, Heidi Moneymaker, Nancy Cejari, Crystal Lonneberg, Angel Pai, Frank Modica, Jennifer Dong, Elli, Sidney Beitz, Mark Vincent, Nora Sommerkamp, Justin L. Wilson, Chris LaPanta, Johnny Otto, Marmee Cosico, Vadim Kroll, Shade Rupe, Thaddeus Daniels, Margaret Daly.

John Wick is forced out of retirement by a former associate looking to seize control of a shadowy international assassins’ guild. Bound by a blood oath to aid him, Wick travels to Rome and does battle against some of the world’s most dangerous killers.

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Watch Full Movie Online And Download The Girl on the Train (2016)

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Title : The Girl on the Train
Release : 2016-10-05.
Language : English.
Runtime : 112 min.
Genre : Drama, Romance, Thriller.
Stars : Emily Blunt, Haley Bennett, Rebecca Ferguson, Justin Theroux, Luke Evans, Allison Janney.

Rachel Watson, devastated by her recent divorce, spends her daily commute fantasizing about the seemingly perfect couple who live in a house that her train passes every day, until one morning she sees something shocking happen there and becomes entangled in the mystery that unfolds.

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Are we inadvertently teaching kids that consent doesn’t matter?

I’m not a parent myself (but am an uncle), but I do often read articles about parenting and behaviour modification. Partly because I might actually learn something from it, and partly because I’m always asking myself “what could I be doing better?”.

I think most parents genuinely “try their best”. No one is really given a manual, and some of us had some pretty poor examples to work from. You can read parenting books, which most likely won’t hurt, but even still, no parent is going to be perfect, and everyone is going to have days where they lose their composure and don’t make the best choices.

That said, I did just stumble across this article on Everyday Feminism, called “4 Ways Parents Teach Kids That Consent Doesn’t Matter”. It is quite interesting. Some of you might react with the sentiment “this writer is over-thinking it!”, but the more I read about sociology and the true emotional roots underneath behaviours (and thus why certain CBTs work and others don’t), the more I think most people may be under-thinking it.

Anyway, here’s a brief run down of the article:

The first is tickling and other types of roughhouse play. Now, I think that tickling and being silly and pretending to eat my kids’ feet is one of the greatest parenting skills out there. So, I definitely don’t really think that tickling is bad or roughhousing is bad.

I think the important thing is that the minute your kid says “no,” you stop. Even if you know they are kidding, teach them that “no” means the other person will stop. They’ll learn both that their “no” matters, and they’ll learn that if someone says no to them, that they should immediately listen.

Now, with my kids I know if they say no and I stop, they’ll come and put their foot back in my mouth, because they don’t really mean “no,” they want me to keep chewing, it was just a game. Or they’ll pull the shirt up again and ask me to tickle. And that’s fine, so we keep going on. But I do immediately listen to the word “no”.

So, remember to stop periodically and “check in”. I’ve heard the same advice given a fair bit for healthy relationships – check in with each other at regular intervals and ask what’s good, what’s bad and what could be better. Similar idea here – give your kids a chance to tell you if they want to keep doing something. That will teach them that they have a choice, and that they are allowed to not want to.

The second way that we sometimes teach kids that consent doesn’t matter is by contradicting their feelings. I think this is a huge problem because it just comes so naturally. I’ve talked about this before where a kid says “I’m cold” and we say “No you’re not, it’s hot in here” or “I’m hungry”, “No you’re not, you just ate.” “I’m tired”, “No you aren’t, you just got up from your nap.” I think that we, in our minds as parents, we know “What? Why are they saying this? She can’t be hungry, she just ate.”

But by saying so, we teach them not to trust their own instincts and their own feelings, and then these are feelings that we want them to trust when they’re in their twenties and they’re in a situation that they are not feeling comfortable with, we want them to trust their gut reaction.

So, instead of contradicting kids, we can just ask them an open-ended in a neutral way. So, when your child says “It’s cold in here”, you can say “Is it? I’m kind of hot in here.”

I think I’ve noticed my sister do this with her son. All too often adults will tell kids things in a matter of fact manner which re-inforces the idea that they always have to do what they’re told. We inadvertently train and program them to be purely obedient and not develop healthy free will or sense of personal awareness and exploration.

Really, this comes down to a subtle change in the way you phrase your response, but that small difference matters. That’s something I have been learning about and trying to implement here – avoiding negative or critical phrasing, sticking to neutral or positive word choices when I can.

Next:

The third way that we sometimes teach kids that consent isn’t important, is through forced hugs and kisses, and this is all in the guise of teaching politeness. We want them to give Uncle Joe a hug and a kiss when you see him because he is their elder and it is important to respect him in that way and because he wants a hug and a kiss, regardless of how your child is feeling. And the idea being that if they don’t go give Uncle Joe a hug and a kiss, it reflects poorly on you, that your kids are rude or standoffish or whatever. And we worry about that as parents, and so then we end up, you know, whether it’s by force or coercion, getting our kids to hug and kiss someone that they don’t want to.

This is a huge red flag. You know, we don’t want our teen daughters or teen sons to be in a sexual situation where they are feeling like they don’t really want to continue. But they feel like they can’t say anything because they have come as far and it would be rude to stop, or that type of thing.

So, it’s very important not to make your kids hug and kiss or shake hands or anything like that, you know. You know Uncle Joe, you saw him last year and if Uncle Joe asks for a hug and kiss, you can say “Do you wanna give him a hug and kiss or just wave hi?” And then have a wave hi or blow a kiss, whatever is comfortable

I have a family member who is older, and who likes to hug everyone and also kiss on the lips. I only started openly resisting/avoiding this a few years back, because I really wasn’t comfortable with it, but I lived with that person at one point, and at that time I didn’t feel I could say no. So I can relate to this one. It comes down to not forcing anyone to engage with another person in a way that they don’t want to.

The last point comes down to the partially flawed idea of respecting your elders, no matter what, which I basically agree with the author on. There is a certain level of respect that you do have to give to elders and figures of authority, but as long as you are still polite and respectful on a base level, you don’t have to completely bow down to anyone who is bigger or older than you, period. The distinction needs to be made clear to kids so they know the difference.

On a semi-related note, I just finished reading the chapter about Dogs in Temple Grandin’s book “Animals Make Us Human”, and I was really blown away by how much raising a dog well is like raising a child (seriously). Dogs are very social and emotional and require a lot of social attention and need to be trained to control their impulses and moderate their emotions and to have patience. She writes that dogs that bark at everyone and everything, and misbehave a lot, are often poorly raised/trained, and emotionally immature. In human terms, we might call that a “brat”.

So, I think this is worth thinking about and that if we properly factor these things in, we will have happy, healthy, consenting, respectful kids.

Here is the video included in the post about these ideas:

Comedian Aamer Rahman explains why “Reverse Racism” isn’t a thing

Australian Comedian Aamer Rahman has a fantastic bit, which I think clearly highlights what a lot of people don’t get about racism and other forms of systematic discrimination and oppression. Some white people will complain when a black comedian tells jokes about white people, or when minorities are chosen for jobs or other rewards over a white person. They call this “reverse racism”. Aamer explains with great comedic effect, why this is not accurate:

Transcript:

A lot of white people don’t like my comedy.
A lot of white people say this to me:

“Hey Aamer, hey! You get on stage, you make your jokes about white people, you say white people this, white people that. What if I did something like that, huh? What if I got on stage and I say “yeah, black people are like this, muslims are like that”. You’d probably call me a racist, wouldn’t you?”

And I say…

*long inhale*

Yeah, you should never do that, that’s bad for your health.

[laughter]

And they’re like “well YOU do that Aamer, you do that! You get on stage, you make your jokes about white people! Don’t you think that’s a kind of racism?

Don’t you think that’s… *dum dum dum*… Reverse Racism?”

[laughter]

I say no, I don’t think that’s reverse racism. Not because I think reverse racism doesn’t exist. If you ask some black people they will tell you flat out, there is no such thing as reverse racism, and I don’t agree with that.

I think there *is* such a thing as reverse racism. And I could be a reverse racist if I wanted to. All I would need would be a time machine.

And what I would do is I would get in my time machine, to back before Europe colonized the world, right? And I’d convince the leaders of Africa, Asia, the Middle East and South America, to invade and colonize Europe. Just occupy them, steal their land and resources… Set up some kind of.. I don’t know.. trans-Asian slave trade, where we exported white people to work on giant rice plantations in China. Just ruin Europe over the course of a couple of centuries, so that all their descendents would want to migrate out and live in the places where black and brown people come from.

Of course, in that time I’d make sure I set up systems, that privilege black and brown people at every conceivable social, political and economic opportunity, and white people would never have any hope of real self-determination.

And every couple of decades, make up some fake war, as an excuse to go bomb them back to the stone age, and say it’s for their own good because their culture is inferior.

Just for kicks, subject white people to coloured people’s standard of beauty so they would end up hating the colour of their own skin, eyes and hair.

If, after hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years of that, I got on stage at a comedy show and said “Hey! what’s the deal with white people? Why can’t they dance?”…

THAT, would be reverse racism.

Additionally, from PolicyMic.com:

“Rahman hits the nail on the head. Without getting too sociological, people who cry “reverse racism” need to realize that racism – as in, actual racism – requires a power dynamic in order to work. According to Tim Wise, racial jokes and slurs toward white folks are less potent because whites hold institutional power over everyone else. This is true throughout history. And since people of color hold little sway in defining the terms of white existence, it’s abundantly clear that racial slurs and jokes directed at whites are no more than that: slurs and jokes. They carry little weight, because there’s no actual power behind them.”

On a similar note, and by another non-white comedian, Hari Kondabolu has several really good bits on this topic and related ones. For instance, here is a clip from YouTube titled “My English Relationship” (which is a metaphor for the above):

And a bit called “Ethnic Comedy”:

This all originally stemmed from me being involved in a debate about whether Louis CK doing jokes using the N word and “faggot” was more acceptable because he does generally much sharper and smarter social critiques, but this article points out how he has admitted often he just uses these words because he likes to, not because he’s actually examining them in any real way.

I’m not here to say comedians shouldn’t be able to make jokes, but I do think some comedians (particularly white ones) don’t truly realize the power they wield and if they did realize, they would choose not to make some of those jokes anymore, even though no one is actively stopping them. No one is stopping me from using the N word, I simply understand why I have absolutely no good reason to ever use it, so I don’t. I’m adding more and more words to my “do not say” list for the same rationale. Political Correctness, I am starting to see, isn’t about censorship so much as it’s about respect for marginalized and oppressed people. It’s helping to combat stigma and shame around things that people shouldn’t be ashamed of in the first place (ie things beyond their control or things they didn’t choose). Choosing to use respectful words and terminology is merely a sign of human decency, kindness and respect.

Another example I was made aware of not that long ago, is the order of words. For instance, you should say “a person with mental illness”, rather than “a mentally ill person”. This puts their humanity first, which it always should be. If you suddenly fell ill or were injured, would you rather be called a crippled person or a person with a disability? The former comes across more like “You’re crippled!”, the latter is more like “you’re still a person who has been injured”. Something to keep in mind.

See also:
“Explaining White Privilege to a Poor White Person”
“Privilege, Oppression and “Being Nice”
“Four Ways to Push Back Against Your Privilege”

And this video: